... well i haven't written in here in 5 months. no surprise there; i can't even manage to keep a semi-regular diary. and it's not like i have anything ELSE to do! i am so worthless... what a waste of space... i'm breathing in air i don't deserve.

don't know how i could write about all these days past... so i guess i'll just start with the present time, abnd if i get "ambitious" i'll try to write some about how the hell i got to this awful place i'm in; the etails of my (further) decline :/

so it's august now, and i have been unemployed since the beginning of may i think, when i quit my job at "spicy pickle" (a restaurant in north austin). i think i only worked there a month. i was right to quit under the circumstances, but i should have lined up another job first; i should have known i would quickly revert to my previous state of complete apathy toward everything and put off finding another job. but in my defense about quitting, i was only being paid $6/hr while working my ass off� i was a "cashier" but that job entails not only taking the orders at the register, but also handling all the orders -- i brought customers their food, checked on them several times like a waitress would do, cleared all the tables, handled to-go orders, and kept up all the cleaning and maintenance of the dining area, bathrooms, outdoor patio, etc. -- and all for nearly no tips at all (i probably got like $5 in tips every 2 weeks because they were all split amongst ALL the other employees). in addition to this meager pay, i was not allowed ANY breaks, even on an 8 (or more) hour shift. and my boss was such a fucking asshole. i really liked the manager [my "boss" was the owner of the place, named clay], scott, but he left a few weeks after i started because he had to move to dallas. after he left it was all downhill� i quit two weeks later.

around the time right before i quit, i started smoking meth [and yeah, i think that contributed to my quitting so quickly; if i hadn't been on meth and involved with that guy who i will mention in a second then i think i would have first found another job, or held out a little longer to see if i got a raise. so, about the guy� i got started smoking meth through my neighbor luke who lives in my apartment building. he was [still is] bad news for me, but i couldn't see it ["refused to see it" is probably more accurate�]. he had lost his job at HEB [grocery store] like a month prior, and being the way i am [feeling like i had to "save him"], i got him a job at the restaurant. he has no car, so i also drove him to work everyday.