And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tommorow, no tommorow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
...and I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad... the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had...
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i know i don't write much anymore. it's just the state i'm in. my life is so depressing that i don't want to put it down on paper [the screen, whatever]. make it permanent. make it real. i know no matter what i write or do it will still be my face in the mirror staring back at my everyday, but somehow not putting down in words how sadly pathetic my life has become makes it easier to bear.
speaking of dreams [well i was until i got off topic, as usual]... i had a really disturbing one. i was almost raped. this man, this old man, was kissing me and stroking me. i tried to get away but he pinned me down. he was so heavy. it was so vivid. i cannot stop thinking about it. WHY would i dream this. WHY? i have never been raped or even something close to it [i'm lucky, i know]. so i don't understand why i would dream that. but it was so awful. you know how sometimes dreams become memories, and it's almost like the dream is actually a real-life memory? that's how i feel. like this really happened, though i know it didn't. and i can't shut it out.
i have many things to write about, what's going on lately... i will continue this later.