i'm in so much pain right now. i don't know what the hell is going on inside me but it's definitely not normal. i have this pain in my chest, all over, and under my ribs. it hurts to breathe. when i inhale i get a shooting pain in addition to the pain already there. it feels like a runner's cramp. but all over not just on one side. and why the hell would i have a runner's cramp when all i've been doing is reclining in my chair eating at a normal, leisurely pace [ yes i gave in and ate but it technically doesn't ruin my 0 cal day yesterday because i ate at 4-something-am today, not yesterday so at least that's something... ]? the pain started while i was finishing up the binge but of course i purged anyway. i had to. i've just finished purging. i think that was the worst purge of my life just because it hurt so badly. i was so afraid something would happen [ what, i don't know, just anything ] and it would prevent me from finishing and i would get fat :/ i was cursing myself for eating that chocolate because it meant extra rinseing. i was gulping water, puking, then laying stretched out on the cold tiles trying to breathe without fulling inhaling... the only thing that seemed to dull the pain. then i'd get up and rinse again. and again. i just kept getting bits of chocolate up. and i couldn't stop because i was too afraid that enough chocolate was still in me to make me gain weight. it was hurting so bad i considered for a moment to wake my mom up and tell her [ of course i wouldn't say what i was just doing, just that i had the pain ]... but i didn't. finally i was bringing up only water with 1 tiny flea-sized fragment of chocolate so i stopped. god i hope that was a good enough purge, because to put myself through that when i could have very well been having some sort of low potassium side effect or god knows what else, it better be fucking worth it. i better not gain from that or it would have all been for nothing. before the binge i was happy to see 73. i guess not eating for 24 hours payed off. i hope i can maintain that awhile. i always seem to go up and down at least 1/2 pound. maintaining is so hard.now the cramping pain is pretty much gone. FINALLY. it got worse each time i puked so maybe it's better now that i've stopped. but now i am having weird indigestion feelings. my lower abdoment is doing the "popcorn" thing -- where it sounds like there is popcorn popping in my stomach! it's something that only people who have experienced it would know what i'm talking about, otherwise i probably sound insane. but it can be painful, sometimes not, but this time it is. it feels like my body is trying to digest something but there is nothing to digest. maybe that's why. i know i got it all up. even if there was a flea sized bit of chocolate in there, that wouldn't require this much digestion and it's not soon enough for it to have reached my lower intestine anyways... so i don't know what's going on. i just want all this pain to stop so i can get some rest. when i lay down it feels worse because my stomach sinks in and that seems to put more pressure there. so i'm sitting here trying to find a comfortable position but it's not working :/
i guess i will go read some posts to take my mind off. speaking of which, some bitch made a TF rip-off site. not only is it a total copy of TF but she had the nerve to post my pictures. not the link to my album, but that actualy pictures. she said they were at another pro site and it said "free to take and post"!!! angie sent me the link. i'm going to go sign up there so i can tell her to take them down [ you can't post if you're not a member ]. i'm curious to know if this girl is a TF member. she obviously has been to the site before since she made such an obvious copy of it. i'm pissed and in pain, not a good combination!!!
