let me see, what have i been neglecting to write about? well i saw yet another therapist last week. i think it was tuesday? can't remember. cynthia ferrari. ferrari... haha. stupid name, stupid lady. she actually said i was boring. yes, to my face. her exact words were "so, basically you're boring?" when i said i was having trouble coming up with any more "activities i liked to do" [i could think of 3 and that was after 5 minutes of silence]. ouch. i think maybe she was half kidding but ummm still. and did it ever occur to her that people not finding any interest in things doesn't necessarilly mean they are BORING but rather they are DEPRESSED?! that's not why i hated her though [well not the main reason]. she was just another one of those "i don't think you want to be here/i am wasting my time with you/i don't want to work with someone who doesn't want to 'do the work'" type of therapists. the fact that i'm 18, and therefore have not been forced into coming, and have said to each therapist i have seen that i came on my own, it was my decision, i am still given the "you don't seem willing to work" speech. i asked her if she had a waiting list or something [cause she kept going on and on about how she had such a "full schedule" and that she "probably shouldn't have seen me but i told your mom i would try to work you in"] and she said, rather rudely, "yes which is why i don't want to waste my time with you if you're not willing to do the work" [i hate that phrase "do the work" by the way. so vague and overused.]. *eye roll* so at the end i said "well then i guess i won't be coming back since you obviously don't want to be my therapist." she's like "i didn't say that, you're putting words in my mouth" the hell i am! whatever. i was supposed to call with my "final decision" [whether or not i was "willing to do the work" lol] by friday. oops, look who forgot. i left a message today "yeah hi this is ruth ___ and i'm just calling to say i thought about what you said and i have decided to not do therapy. at all. ok bye" hopefully that will teach her not to be such a bitch to people. i mean god, it's hard to go to what, your 10th therapist? when all you want is the one therapist you ever got along with to come back, to set yourself up for disappointment time after time. so i really don't appreciate her attitude. which is the same as some other T's i have seen.

today is group. i'm not going. i'd much rather sit here in a food induced stupor and then seeing how much of this epsom stuff i can get into me without puking it all up. it's going to be another lovely evening.