This has been one of the worst weeks. It seems like things just get worse and worse and never any better. First I was upset earlier in the week at the news that my friend almost died [this happened a few weeks ago but I knew nothing about it because the message she left on my machine is not there, for some odd reason] and couldn�t fathom what I would do with myself if that happened. She is my best friend and I have so few friends that I wouldn�t be able to deal with that. At the same time I know this is a �good� thing sort of, that she didn�t die� it�s a miracle she didn�t, she was not breathing for 10 minutes, brain damage is supposed to occur after 8 minutes, but she didn't suffer any. Her dad just happened to talk into her room to wake her in the morning, he never does that. He saw she was not breathing and was turning blue. He is an anesthesiologist and was able to intubate her before the paramedics arrived. If he hadn't, she would be dead right now. She would be dead if he hadn't acted the way he does every other day and not waken her. She was in a coma for a few days, so I�m thankful that she is alive at least. She told me she felt like she had a second chance, and was optimistic about recovery at this point. But then tonight she called me [I�m leaving out her name on purpose] and was upset and I was heartbroken that I couldn�t do anything I just wanted to go over to her house and be there IN PERSON but I couldn�t ;( I almost didn�t take the call, too, because I had been asleep. My mom just happened to wake me up. Sometimes she does but most of the time she doesn�t wake me for a phone call� so I guess that too was very lucky. I was talking to my friend and trying to think of something helpful I could say and try to comfort her when her family is being so horrible to her but then she told me she had taken her mom�s painkillers. She said they were morphine, or a morphine synthetic. Obviously, I freaked out and wanted her to go tell her mom. I said I would call her mom if she didn�t. She said she would. She sounded so weird. Not at all like herself� I was so scared that it had been too long and even pumping her stomach might now be enough. She called me at 10:30 her time, 8:30 mine, and said she had taken them at 8:30, or so she thought. So it had been maybe two hours. I hung up only because she said she was going to tell her mom. I said to call me back as soon as she did so I would know she did. A few minutes went by, what seemed like 20 but was only 3 or 4, and I was too worried to wait any longer and called her back. I called her room line but no one picked up. I called again and this time her dad picked up. Her dad is really gruff and he sounded really pissed when he picked up the phone but I tried to stay calm� I asked if I could talk to my friend and he said she was �unavailable� and I didn�t know if that meant he knew she had OD�ed or if he was just mad I was calling late. It was about 11pm by then because I had talked to her a while before she told me about the pills. After he said she was �unavailable� he was about to hang up the phone but I asked if I could ask him something first. He said �Who is this?� in this really mean tone and I told him who I was, and how I was his daughter�s friend. I asked him if she had told him what she had done. He didn�t know what I was talking about so I took that as a no. I asked again if she had told him that she took her mom�s painkillers and he seemed to not even believe me. He kept asking who I was and seemed like I was some malicious person playing a sick prank. I repeated again what she had told me and then he said �Ok bye� and hung up. I was still waiting for my friend to call me back, to tell me she had told her mom and was going to the hospital. A little while later, which seemed like an eternity, she called me back and I asked if she was going to the hospital but she said she didn�t need to because she threw them up. But I wasn�t sure that would be enough, what if they had been absorbed? Even partially? The pills are supposed to be taken once every 6 hours, just one pill. And she thought she took �about 10� so I was sure she should still go to the hospital. She sounded more coherent though, more like her self than she had earlier on the phone. Her voice on the phone earlier had been so scary, I can�t get it out of head. She just sounded so haunted and I knew something was wrong. This time she sounded better and said that she didn�t need them to take her to the hospital and pump her stomach because she had thrown them all up and she didn�t want to �put her parents through that� and there wasn�t really anything I could do� I couldn�t force her to go to the ER because I live too far away. She said she had told her mom what she took and that she threw them up, and her dad knew, because I told him, and she said her mom was going to sleep with her that night to make sure she was ok. So if she started becoming symptomatic I guess, they could call an ambulance. I was still so worried, obviously, that she wasn�t going to the hospital� I hope that I did all I could. Because I think I did but at the same time if something happens to her I will never be able to forgive myself. She kept assuring me that she threw them all up, but how can I not worry? I would have worried had she rushed to the ER that second, let alone not go at all. At this point I went upstairs to try to get my mind off what had happened. She had told me she would call me the next morning and promised she would so I would know she was ok. I knew there wasn�t any more I could do at the moment so I went upstairs to greet my grandparents who I hadn�t seen all day even though they arrived at noon. I had just been in bed all day and my sister told them I was sick. Which was pretty true� I took a lot of laxatives last night and was naseous and throwing up bile all day and had horrible cramps. Anyway I went upstairs to say hi to them and then my mom and I were talking more about the hospital but I still had my friend on my mind. Not knowing is the worst thing. Then about two hours later her mom called me. This was about 10:30pm my time, 12:30am her time. My mom picked up then gave me the phone. My mom kept asking me why my friend�s mom had called me cause my friend�s mom sounded very worried. I finally just left the room and went to my room to talk to her mom. I didn't want to try to explain this to my mom. I can't talk to her and she doesn't even know my friend, only knows "of" her. When I was in my room, my friend�s mom asked me what �exactly� her daughter had told me. I told her about the pills and that she told me she had taken about 10 of the morphine. Her mom said she didn�t have any morphine, they were just pain killers. I repeated the name my friend had told me that was on the pills and she said yes, those were her painkillers. While I�m glad they aren�t morphine that doesn�t make me feel any less worried. Anyway, her mom then told me she was asking because her daughter insisted now that she hadn�t taken anything. I knew this was just my friend now feeling guilty about making her mom worry� and she had told me earlier when she called back that her dad was yelling at her [�Why did you do this?!� etc.] so I told her mom that I was sure she was telling me the truth and must be lying to her. She asked me why she did it and I had to say I didn�t know� how can I answer that question? I told her that she was upset about the family therapy session and was feeling very badly about that and guilty that she wasn�t better yet. I repeated again that I am sure she wasn�t lying to me about the pills, I mean why would she do that? She wouldn�t. There is no way she would ever do that to me and besides, she didn�t sound like herself. I have no doubt she took the pills. Her mom said she had counted the pills and there was no way she had taken 10� I hope she�s right� but personally I don�t count my medications so how do I know she is positive about the number of pills that were in there before? She said that her daughter was breathing but she couldn�t wake her up. She said she kept trying to wake her up but she just wouldn�t wake up but seemed to be breathing normally. I said I thought she had better call 911 because I was sure she had taken the pills and who knows how much were absorbed before she threw them up. She thanked me and then said goodbye and hung up. I�m left sitting on the floor, wondering if my friend will live through the night. What if she dies? What if she goes into another coma? What if she has permanent damage? What if� it�s killing me to not know. I think her mom will call me, if my friend doesn�t. She is much nicer than her dad and seems to like me [unlike her dad who hates me, but apparently he hates everyone my friend says], and is happy that my friend has someone to talk to. I met her in person last time I visited. Anyway, I hope that she will call me tomorrow and tell me what�s going on if my friend isn�t able to. I am just sick with worry. How am I ever going to just sit there for hours and hours not knowing if she has died. It�s just not fair. She doesn�t deserve this. She doesn�t deserve to be made to feel guilty that she has cost her parents money paying for her treatment. She hates herself enough, she doesn�t need any more reinforcement on that. It breaks my heart to know how unhappy she is. I want to make it all better, and I can�t.
I am not a religious person... I don't even believe in god. But I found myself praying to someone, anyone, to make her be ok after she told me she took those pills. Please, whatever religion or faith you practice, pray that she will be ok. She is the sweetest person and doesn't deserve the pain she suffers through.
I don't know what is happeneing with me and inpatient for sure yet. I will not be going tomorrow. Possibly Saturday. I feel that this is not important and don't want to talk about it right now. All I care about is that my friend will be ok.
