i've just come from the grocery store. i rushed there in a fit of compulsion when my mom left the house this morning at 9:30. i, of course, had been awake all night. thinking i would have to wait until this afternoon to secure some food i was quite happy for the opportunity so i ran out without so much as brushing my hair. just threw on my sister's long black coat and off i went.

i've been so paranoid lately. i'm afraid to leave the house because i'm worried my mom will go searching through my room. so i only leave when she is not home, or she is watching one of her regular tv shows or something. so that the odds of her getting up and going to snoop around my room are less likely. but mostly i just go out when she is not home. the rest of the time i just stay at home. in my room.

since this week is president's week and she is a teacher she is home all week. uggh this is going to suck. i'm used to having noon till five-ish pm with her gone. it's when i can binge in peace and buy food. having her home all day is making me extremely aggitated.

my book arrived from england!! i guess it must have come saturday, or possibly sooner, but mom didn't tell me. just left it on a chair in the dining room [how many times do i have to tell her i'm not psychic and so i don't know when she is leaving mail for me all around the house!] along with some magazines i have been waiting weeks for. the book is "catherine" by maureen dunbar. i started reading it this morning. it was nice just lying in bed reading it because it took my mind off my growling stomach somewhat. when you're reading about a girl who is about your height and dwindles down from 8 stone to 4.5 stone you lose your appetite pretty quick! i had to pay a lot for it though. and the s&h from england was of course a lot. oh well it's worth it to me. i still need to buy "kessa" along with some other not-so-rare books. my amazon wishlist is so long.

back to the raisons. i'm eating these things called "cinnamon crunchies" that look like little mini cinnamon rolls except they are not gooey, they are more crisp. i don't like cinnamon rolls - these don't taste like that. anyway they were buy one [pack] get one free so i got four for the price of two which was cool. except the checker messed up and charged me for four. and i had to walk back in the store to get my refund. i don't like raisins. especially IN things. yuck. oh, and i didn't just get the cinnamon ones. they also had "caramel" who knows what that will taste like, i haven't tried yet. so i have two caramel packs and two cinnamon packs. and some croissants and tapioca. i am dipping the croissants in the tapioca. yum.

last night was group therapy but i skipped it. mainly because of the aforementioned paranoia. i knew my mom would be home all evening and i knew she would not be able to resist snooping in my room. although i think part of her is too afraid of what she may find so she might stay away... but i can't risk it. and the other part of me didn't want to go because i was so hungry. if i were to eat something i would have to puke and then i would be shaking which is not a good thing when you have to commute an hour in the car. and, of course, if i puked i would still be hungy. i didn't feel like going and being hungry and i was so exhausted. i got up and showered and that wore me out. i had slept 14 hours but i was still tired. i fell asleep sitting in the bathtub. there was no water in it though, since i showered. what i do now after my showers is i wrap up in a few towels and sit on the bottom of the tub. and i fell asleep like this. woke up a little bit later, maybe 20 minutes, to a very sore bum. and wrapped up in my bath robe and went back to my room where i crawled back into bed and slept another hour at which point it was 5pm and my mom was calling to make sure i was awake to leave to go to therapy. so i called deirdre and told her i was sick. i think only a few people were going this week anyway, due to president's week and no school.