first off, we arrived early yet we still had to wait 45 minutes before the nurse came to get me. she was really rude as well. very curt, not at all nice. i left my mom in the waiting room, OBVIOUSLY, and as soon as we were behind the waiting room door she says "don't you want your mother to come" and i said no [hello i'm fucking 18! not 5!] and then she just ordered me to "go to room 10"... uh, ok. so i get lost cause this place has 2 corridors but finally find room 10. then the same bitch comes back saying "i didn't realize i had to weigh you. come with me" so she takes me to the scale and just tells me to step on [haha, in my clothes, AND shoes!]. lucky for me. so obviously my weight was bumped up a few pounds. i didn't waterload today though. then she takes me back to the room and does my blood pressure [doesn't check for orthostatics] and she supposedly took my pulse but she only counted the beats for like 5 seconds so i don't really see how that is accurate [?] considering stanford always insisted on counting the beats in the full minute, and most doctors at least wait 30 seconds. but whatever. what do i care.

so dr. moffit comes in 20 minutes later [so now i've been at the doctor's for over an hour, freezing my ass off, what fun]. she smiles and introduces herself. but then she sits down and gets this serious expression on her face. "why are you here?" well isn't that the million dollar question with us "insane people"?! more questions follow. she asks if i purge, i tell her yes. she asks about weight history, my lowest weight, how long i've been in this weight range, if i have my period, when it stopped, etc. i answer all these questions honestly [there's really no point in lying anymore, i'm "untouchable" as far as getting put IP against my will at this point]. she says that i am "fine" in regards to physical health. she takes my b/p again [doesn't check for orthostatics] and it's 88/49 sitting up. higher than it has been but still what i *thought* was low... but she says it's fine.

what i didn't like about her was that she wanted to involve my family, A LOT. this is "a family problem" according to her so "the whole family needs to be involved" blah blah blah... i tried telling her that not only am i 18 but other "professionals" [doctors, therapists, etc] have agreed that at this point it should be optional if i want to do family therapy and the like. i mean i will be in college soon, i'm an adult, and HAVING MY MOM BE THE FOOD POLICE DOES NOT HELP ME! i mean hello, isn't that obvious? where has my mom's involvement in the past got me? family therapy was a DISASTER. i always want to kill myself after. i'm dead serious on that too. but she wouldn't listen to a fucking thing i had to say. she talked to me like i was a little kid, too. i think she's had too many 13 year old anorexics or something cause she thinks we're all little kids who need our mommy's to make out meals and watch us eat them and play board games with us [she actually suggested this, having a family game night... wtf?!].

she also made my mom come in at the end. and when we discussed what she would do if i was "suddenly medically in danger" [cause i'm not at all right now according to her] she said she would call my mom and tell her. i said she couldn't do that because it would be violating patient confidentiality. she tried to use the "well i have the right to tell your parents if you're in danger" excuse but i pointed out that no, she didn't, because i'm legally an adult. so that doesn't apply anymore. god, i've discussed this with therapists a million times and i know my fucking rights you bitch! but she obviously doesn't know the law cause she didn't seem to give a fuck about patient confidentiality, or even what it entailed. i gave up arguing cause i saw it was pointless. and so my mom came in and i sat there mute while she discussed what eating disorders are. uh... i think we're past that point. she talked about residential a lot, and the center for discovery [a residential facility in southern ca]. i told her that they wouldn't take me even if i WANTED to go [which i don't] because i'm under 75% IBW and you have to be above that to go to most residentials, including that one [except a few like renfrew and remuda, you have to be at least 85% IBW]. to that she said "no, they'd take you, because you're healthy. they just care if you're healthy" ... someone really needs to educate this lady, that's all i have to say about that.

after what seemed an eternity of this "what eating disorders are" lecture and her making stupid suggestions about my treatment, and also saying why she thought i had an ED [how the HELL would she know after discussing basic symptoms, not any mental issues, for less than 20 minutes?!], she finally ended it and told my mom to book me an appointment on the way out for a week from today. as soon as we were in the hallway i said i'm not going back. and i'm not. since this doctor said i'm healthy and i assured my mom my b/p was fine [the doc said it was so i'm not lying] she didn't argue. oh i forgot to mention another stupid thing about dr. moffit. i asked her about my itching lately. i have had this itching all over my legs, arms, chest and there is no rash. it just itches. it's not dry skin either cause i have poured on the lotion. and just in case it was my detergent [i have sensitive skin] i switched back to one i know i am not allergic to... but i still have this itching. so i asked her about that. and she said that it was probably a deficiency. so i asked what deficiency causes that [you know, so i can FIX THE DEFICIENCY] and she said she didn't know! and then she said "or it could be an internal problem. sometimes symptoms like itching appear when internal organ problems, like something wrong with your kidneys" so i asked "like what" and she said "well, kidney failure or an infection" well, obviously that sounds really bad... but then she said "but that couldn't be it, because you look fine to me. you're in good health." so i still don't know what's causing the itching. and i have to wonder how she can tell i'm so healthy w/o even having done blood tests. she didn't order them, either.