I am so psyched to be in the internet right now! I've been at Rogers (duh) these past couple weeks and there is no internet or computer to work on there which really sucks. Well, there is a computer, but I am not allowed to use it. Right now I'm at a library in some city near to Oconomowoc called Delafield. We got to go here today instead of ropes course (rec therapy), I'm not sure why... I can't do ropes anyway, so I'm glad about this. Basically, I can't do ANYTHING here. All the things I was told about don't apply to me because I am not on a high enough level. There are a lot of things in this program that have me very upset and angry. I have become very close to two women in the program and one of them had to leave last Friday due to money (she was self-pay) and I have been really down about that :( Her name is Megan and she is 55. We are keeping in touch on the phone though and I think I will stay with her a few days when I discharge the end of this month (when insurance runs out) before I go back to CA. She lives in Madison, WI. Martha is the other woman, and she's still here with me. She is 40. I am surprised I have become closest to the two oldest women on our floor but that is just how it worked out. We did everything together and they made my stay much more tolerable. Martha and I really miss having Megan here with us. She is no where near recovered and I am so worried about her. She has no money right now and is living off Ensure from the hospital :(

I can't do ropes course as I mentioned before, I can't do the climbing wall, I can't take a walk in the beautiful surroundings here (though I have done so many times anyway, without permission), I can't go on the Tuesday night outing or the weekend outing, I can't even go to the library every Friday (this is an exception because Dwight the rec therapist took us). It really sucks. I am basically on house arrest because I am on Level Red (the lowest). It goes Observation (when you first arrive, for 72 hours) Red, Orange, Orange Plus, Yellow, Green. I'm mad that people who have been here only a few days have skipped from Observation right to Orange or Yellow. It doesn't seem fair especially since they are not 100% compliant. I think I am just as compliant as they are! The dietician Melissa says she wants to "stabilize my weight" first.

Although I am eating a TON, I am not following my meal plan perfectly so I guess that is why I am being punished. Well, that and my potassium has a tendency to drop now when I purge. Go figure that I can puke all the time at home and it stays normal, but I puke a few times here and it drops to 2.9 ?!?!

I got here at 77 and gained up to 80 where I've been stalled for the majority of the time with water weight fluctuations. I wasn't able to go to the bathroom (bowel movement that is) for nearly 3 weeks so that probably added to the weight gain (I was constipated before I got here). Now that I am not so constipated I'm afraid my weight will drop tomorrow morning... which will surely mean another meal plan increase. My meals seem like binges. For breakfast I have to have 1-2 grains, 2 fruits, 2 fats, an optional protein that will soon by mandatory, and a milk. Lunch is a protein, 2 grains, a fruit, 2 fats and a veg. Dinner is the same as lunch. I hate this exchange system. We get weighed backwards, too. The psychiatrist is an idiot. He gave me way too much Trazodone and I nearly had to go to the hospital.

I'm out of time :(

I will be home in 2 weeks I think.