I'm feeling much better tonight. I talked to Martha (my second roommate at Rogers) and she convinced me to call Jill (a resident at Rogers on Lower Level who is 37). I had talked to Jill a few times before while I was there and I like her a lot. She is bulimic (or maybe purging anorexic, I am not sure how underweight she is) so she understands. She said I should never have left )I know) and that I should come back. And that I could go to Main Hospital (inpatient) if I didn�t want to go back to residential. I don�t think I can face the RCs/residents at the EDC after what I did� so IP at Rogers is all I would consider to do here. But I think it�s what I will do; I�ll go IP for about 4 days until my insurance runs out, then go straight home. Jill told me I should call my mom because once I did a huge weight would be lifted off my shoulders. I knew she was right but I was still so scared. I did it though. I hung up with Jill and immediately called my mom before I lost my nerve. She sounded very calm and rational, thank god. She told me that on January 1, 2004 I get 30 more IP days, so the plan right now is to try my best at home until then, and if I need more help, I�ll get it in January. I felt so much better after getting that call out of the way. I have to call Rogers tomorrow to see if they will let me go to Main, since I left AMA from the EDC. Martha is going to go back as well (to IP, not residential). She said she�d go if I did. I hope she does cause she has relapsed to drinking, badly. And I know she hates IP so that she is even considering it seriously means she knows she is doing really, really poorly. :(

My writing is atrocious right now because I am shaking so bad. I am not sure I�ll ever be able to read this entry again! Low blood sugar I guess. It�s not hard to guess what I did today� Chinese buffet at lunch with Megan (same one as yesterday� kind of embarrassing) and Ponderosa (steakhouse + buffet) at Supper. My body can�t handle these b/ps like it used to� at Rogers my potassium would drop a lot just from 1-2 pourges (out of eating 6 times a day!) despite all the food I did keep down (including bananas and apples and a multivitamin). So I am a little scared of how low it probably is now after Wednesday and today (Thursday). Tomorrow will be the same I know. I�ll be ok though� off to IP soon for another �boost� of no less puking and supplements. Or home. Where I would be good for at least a while, I think (hope), since Mom would be watching me 24/7 no doubt�. well I�m rambling now. Nothing really to report. I hope killkessa PMs me back. I was at the library about 20 minutes tonight and I was able to read and post a little at TF. I am going back tomorrow AM so maybe I will post this at Diaryland. For now I want to sleep off this shaking.

Ruth

12:01am